Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales.

If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbrt's Best Bits, some of the best bits of my Saturday morning radio show, live on BBC Radio Wales. This week, I'm in my kitchen in London with Lloyd Langford.

Saturday, September, the 26th. All agreed there? / Yup. / Big game tonight. / Yeah. / I'm not gonna bang on about it, but, uh ... big game tonight, Wales and England. Very ... I'm very excited. Very excited. I do worry about Welsh injuries, but it's a big game, so I think they are going to rise to it. I could feel it. ... I could feel ... I've just ... all I've gotta do, Lloyd, today, is hang in there, 'cause I'm not a well man. / What do you mean you've ... Why are you ... why are you taking it through your ... through the prism of you? / Well, ... I have to take everything through the prism of me. Do you know why? Because I'm me. So, it's all very well if I __ say, "Do you know what? I feel a bit ill. But I think all I have to do is __ pretend to be Sean Williams. He hasn't / probably / not / feeling fine / pretend to be him, then the day will be fine. / No. You ... / have to see __ through the prism of me / who do you see life through the prism of? / No. You were talking about the Welsh team wrecked with injury __ / and then you went, "Well, you know / ... No. The Welsh team's got a lot of injuries, right? ... unfortunately. But I'm going to be right behind them, I believe they can do it. They are psyched up __ pump __ It's a big game. All bets are off for a big game like this, right? __ anything could happen. I'm excited. I'm gonna ... / Yeah. / But I'm going to the game, aren't I? / Yes. / Uh, but, um ... I'm ill. / Exactly. / I'm not well. So, I've ... I've gotta struggle through and try and make it through myself. I'm ... I'm fighting injury. I've been down a mine all week, and, uh ... I'll tell you what. Let me __ something on this ... let me ... let me __ you in on this, listeners. I've been filming my Work Experience this week. I've been mining. I've been a miner. I've been down a mine all week, and I had a cold ... at the start of it, / Right, / ... and I still had to go down a mine at six o'clock in the morning every day. / Yeah. / And I said to you, "I've been mining all week", and you said, "Where? Big Pit?" / That's the only mine I know. / Oh, good grief ... Big Pit? ... Honestly ... that ... For those of you who don't know, ... for those of you who aren't laughing at this minute 'cause you don't know where Big Pit is, Big Pit is a coal mining museum. / ... Yes ... / It's not a working mine, is it? / It was a working mine. / I know it was a working mine, but I didn't go ... I didn't say, "Hey, do you know what I've been doing this week? Going back in time ... back to when Big Pit was a real working mine. I've been ... I've been down there, mining" ? / Well, were you mining ... / What do you think I was doing? You think ... while the school kids were all going on their ... on their little tours of Big Pit around the mining museum, you think I was just in the corner, do you? ... just with a black face, hacking away at the coal face rock there, like .... of course it wasn't Big Pit. Big Pit is a museum. / So, you were in a working mine? / Y(es) ... of course I was in a working mine. / Where were you? / How ... why would I go down to a mine to be a miner in a mine that wasn't working? / Well, 'cause it's for TV programme. Isn't it? / だって、どうせテレビのやることだから / Huh, you have a very low opinion of TV programmes, mate. / Well, __ I'm __ hardly __ gonna go __ __ right now. I've got a six-month contract __ looking for diamonds in South Africa / No. I've been down ... / __ too deep. / I've been down a proper working mine, mate. ... I've been in a proper working mine, not a museum. Is that what you were thinking ... when ... every time I go off and do Work Experience, it's in a museum? / ... No. ... I knew Big Pit didn't close that long ago. I thought maybe there was ... / It wasn't this week, was it? ... Have you read the paper? : Big Pit To Close This Week in the middle of Rhod Gilbert's filming ... that's very unfortunate. ... I'll have to come up half way through my shift / え、今日で閉山？ 仕事を半分で切り上げて帰らなきゃ。 / I thought they might ... I thought they might have said, "Oh, look, there's a ... there's a ... / I was down a proper working mine. I was in ... first of all, I was in an open cast mine in Merthyr Tidfall ... so, that's on top of the surface. No problem there. / Yeah. / And then I went up north, up to Middlesbrough. / Huh, yeah / I went down a mine. You go a kilometer down, Lloyd. Are you listening? / Huh huh. / Put that coffee down. ... You go a kilometer down ... / Yeah. / You are meant to be asking questions in a minute. / ... A kilometer down ... write it down / Write it down. ... A kilometer down into the ground ... in a cage ... / Yeah, / ... anything where you go to work in a cage ... it's always worrying, innit? ... You go down a kilometer in a cage, and then you went eight miles out under the North Sea ... / Huh, right. / ... under the sea ... / ... like, uh ... / mining ... / ... a little mermaid? / Like a little mermaid. Like the Robbie Williams' song, '__ ... under the sea ...' ... It's like ... Ohgg, it's like a vision of hell. / How much material is between you and the sea? / How much mat ... I think there's a lot of rock between you and the sea. / ... because you don't want to mine in the wrong direction / Oh, it's not ... it's not like just a little, uh, six inches of land and then the whole sea just wating to cave in. ... But there is water trickling into the ... they pump out a million gallons a day or something ... or a month. / Is that ... is that from your runny nose? / そんなに鼻水が出たの？ / that was ... was from my runny nose. __ __ I was so ill ... so ill, pitch black, total darkness, 40-degrees heat ... the dustiest, stinking, filthiest environment you have ever been in. No toilets ... surrounded by miners going to the toilet, everywhere, left, right and center, everywhere you looked. / What were you mining? / ... like seagulls. ... I was mining, um ... potash. / Really? / Yeah. ... Do you know what that is? / No. / All right. Let's ... Potash Quiz. ... It's got only one question in this. / Don't ask me what is potash. / What is potash? That's the quiz. / Have you heard of it before? They use it in ... uh, for smelting. Is that right? / Uh ... I don't know. Ques ... all right. New quiz. ... What's smelting? / Smelting is the ... / We've all ... we've all heard the word ... we've all used the word "smelting", but what does it actually mean? / Smelting is, um ... the ... uh ... melting ... / I know what you're saying. When you see ice, you go, "Hey, 's melting." That's different, innit? / No, no. It's like, __ ... / 's melting. That's a short for "It's melting". / It's the ... um ... heating up of, uh, iron ore, isn't it? ... / that's __ / to make steel. / I think, roughly, yeah. ... People would correct us. / いい加減なことを言うとまたリスナーから訂正される / People would get very upset with the details on this ... Listen ... hold the fort. I will read you some emails. / What? / Hold the fort. I will read you some emails / people __ __ ... people will get upset on this show about little details. / Huh, OK. / Right? Listen to this. ... "Rhod, I'm currently listening to your podcast (as previously stated, I'm too busy on Saturdays to listen live)" ... This is from Alfonso Vacenni, / The controller of BBC Wales? / ... Yeah. ... Uh ... he says here, "I'm currently listening to your podcast. You suggested that you would dry an appetite" ... Basically, I think ... I think I said something along the lines of whetting ... uh ... it's so unappealing ... if it doesn't w(h)et your appetite, it dries your appetite, ... right? / Yeah. / I ... I was making a little joke. / Yeah. A play on words. / A little ... a little ... a jeux de mots, as the French would have it. / Yeah. / A little play on words ... that, if something 'wets' your appetite, uh, appetite, the opposite of something that __ appetite / really unappealing / something that dries your appetite / I know it's not 'wet', w e t, / I know it's "whet", w h e t / We've had about five hundred calls ... / 「ウェット」の反対は「ドライ」だろ。だから「食欲をウェットする（そそる）」の反対として「食欲をドライする」って言ってみたんだ。ちょっとした言葉遊びだよ。そしたら「間違ってるぞー」と言うリスナーの声が殺到した。「食欲をウェットする」の「ウェット」は whet、「ドライ」の反対語としての「ウェット」は wet だよ、つって。知ってるっつーの。/ "You suggested you would dry an appetite as if it was the opposite of whetting an appetite. This would have been fine if the saying was 'wet', w e t, your appetite. But it's not. It's "whet", w h e t. ... I think this would make a good quiz" says Alfonso ... "What words are commonly misspelt or phrases repeated wrongly. ... Example: I used to think ..." He's got an example here. ... "I used to think the saying was "make ends 'meat'." ... m e a t. / He must have been a butcher ... making sausages. / Uh ... look ... he's ... he's not the only one. Let's have a look here. Uh ... bun-pun, bun-pun, ... that's, uh, something else ... is it ... uh, I'll tell you what. We've got a lot of Celebrity Context ... uh ... Celebrity Out Of Context this week. You'd be glad to hear, Lloyd. ... I bet you were looking ... I know you like it, don't you? / I was in a pub last night owned by a celebrity. You'd never guess who it was. / Yeah? Who? .... Hang on a minute. Let me ... let me ... let me have a guess. / All right. / You were in a pub, last night, owned by a celebrity? / Yes. / OK. Can I ask you one question? / Yeah. / Where ... where was the pub? / It was in East London, Limehouse. / Huh. ... Celebrity __ __ ... / Very famous British actor. / Huh. ... Well, on the same rationale that, when I said "I've been mining", you said "Was it down Big Pit?", which is not a working mine, it's just a museum, ... I'm gonna say, somebody that's, uh ... it's a celebrity that died years ago, from the East end. ... Is it the Kray twins? / No. ... They are in the news at the moment. / Yeah. It's topical. / Yeah. ... But it wasn't them. / Oh. ... uh ... Gregg ... Gregg Wallace? / No. / I'm running out of cockneys. / コックニーのやつはほかにどんなのがいたっけか ... / Dick Van Dyke? / ... I don't think he's a cockney, the bloke. / Uh ... oh, he's not a cockney? / No. / Huh, he's moved to the area, has he? / He wasn't ... / Is it a "he" ? / He wasn't there in the bar, pulling pints and selling pork scratchings. He owns the pub. / Well, how would you know that? / I suppose when you ordered your pint / by the way / Who owns this, uh, this place / out of ... out of interest / my friend Tommy / Oh my god. Are they reliable? / それこそパブ・トークじゃないのか？口からでまかせなんじゃないのか？ / Yeah. They said they saw him on a TV show, in the pub. ... Do you wanna ... / Nigel Farage? ... Grant Mitchell? ... Is it a real pub? / Yeah. / Is it ... it wasn't in Walford? / ワルフォード（『イーストエンダー』に出てくる架空の町）じゃないのか？ / No. / Huh. / Sir Ian Mckellen / Is that the answer? / Yes. / Or you started guessing / just / he __ __ __ to the match. Um ... Is it Sir Ian Mckellen? / yeah / I didn't know he owned a pub, __ M__. / Yeah. / Why? / ... I think he ... uh ... he, sort of, helped, um, keep it open, basically, 'cause it was gonna be ... may be shut down, and he, sort of, bou ... bought it ... to look after it. / Do you know where he got the idea? It was one Christmas, and he found a four-pack of MaEwan's lager behind the sofa ... he thought, "That looks a bit like my name. I wouldn't mind seeing my name in pub." ... I'm not sure if that's true.

I've been down a mine this week. I ... Do you know what? ... Oh, my word ... Nothing worse when you've got a cold. ... When you've got a cold, and you usually ... you know, a bit of a night shift / night owls / you and me, Lloyd ... / Yeah. / not together ... separately, hooting in separate trees ... from a distance. ... when ... then I had to get up, like, __ five-six o'clock to go mining, with a cold, into, uh, 40-degree heat, just brown, murky, pitch dark, everything brown, covered in dust, thick, thick brown du ... like a brown dusty city. ... Imagine a brown ... imagine a city with nothing in it ... / Yeah, / ... but brown dust. Nothing in it. Go on, ask me what was in it. It's like a city under the ground. You go down a mine, down, a kilometer down ... / Yeah, / ... and out under the sea, 40-50 degrees heat. Um ... ask me ... ask me what's down there. It's like a city underground, but ask ... it's like ... not like any city you've been to. / So, they're like, um, uh ... I'm trying to think what cities are ... so, it's got , like, a football stadium? / Try and think what cities are ... Rack your brains now. ... Have a look a the window. We are in London. / Post office? / Right. There's no post office, no. / Cinema? / No. ... This is good, though. __ is the kinda thing ... / Like a square with a fountain in it? / ... No. There's no piazza down there. No. ... Good ... good thing ... / Yeah, you told me it was just brown dust ... the city full of brown dust / __ __ no shops. Nothing. Just brown, endless brown dust. ... That's it. Physical hard, physical work, all day. no toilets, Lloyd. / Yeah, you said everyone was just ... / ... just toiletting ... / Were there different areas for ... / ... No. ... No. ... Uh, have you ever been to a city with no toilets? / Yeah, yeah, I have, actually. ... Swindon. / ... That could've offended people. Luckily, nobody's listening. ... Uh ... unless you are listening in Swindon. 8 10 12. Get in touch. Let us know. Just say, "I'm listening in Swindon." Full stop. Uh ... ahem, "Rhod, I'm listening from East Lothian" says someone here from Scotland __ __ ... "I think I've peaked too soon with build up. I've been up since six. I can't stand the tension / " ... Yes, indeed it is the build up today / It's England and Wales at Twickenham / world cup. It is a massive match. I'm getting a bit keyed up. Lloyd, very relaxed at this stage, but ... / Is Scotland ... is Scotland playing today as well? / __ Scotland are playing as well, yeah / I think, yeah. ... I can't ... I can't remember. I'm so tired. This is my problem. I've been mining. I've told you. / Yes. That's all you've been going on about. And I'm sure there are people that __ ... that regularly work down the mine ... I hope they're not listening to this show / 現場の人が聴いていないことを祈るよ / Why? ... Hey, hats off to them. / No. You've got to keep your hat on. / You've gotta keep your hat on / falling rock / once you come above ground / that's the thing. That's the other thing / there are rocks / falling / just huge, huge pieces of rock / just falling ... oh my god / Did you have, um ... / __ hat on? Of course / did you you have a budgie? / ... Huh? / not a budgie. A canary. / Did I have budgie? ... Of course I didn't have a budgie. / heard / take a canary down / I know / but nobody takes a b__ down / nobody goes down __ __ "What the hell is that?" / I couldn't find a canary ... I couldn't find a canary, so I've brought this crow instead." ... __ doesn't work __ __ just ... / A crow would be bad 'cause it's, uh, it's naturally black, so you'd lose it down there. / カラスは黒いから炭鉱の中では見づらいね / Yeah. / in the darkness. / Yeah. And he'd keep saying "craw" / Yeah / would be a bit annoying, wouldn't it? / flirting / Yeah. ... Every time he sees somebody else go to the toilet, he go, "craw" / 誰かがトイレに行くたびに「カア」と / Hey, there's somebody going to the toilet over here.「お、誰かがトイレに行くぞ」

(12:19)

Now then, Celebrity Out Of Context Bingo is up and running, Lloyd. I can't remember if I did this one last week, but it is one of my favorite ones of all time. I've got a feeling ... what I did last week was that I teased it up __ said, "Coming later in the show" / Huh, and then you forgot. You do that often. / I know. God, it is annoying, innit? ... tease the listeners by saying, "I've got one of the best ones ever ... you're gonna love this, listeners / and then I go / Uhggg, we have to go / the news / and I will tell you "forget it" / tell you next week." Then I forget. ... Huh? ... luckily, nobody really cares. Um ... "Last month", he says ... says, uh, Dylan Bird. / Oh yeah? / Good name, innit? / Yeah. / Do you like it? / __ __. / Right. ... We've agreed on something. ... Dyan Bird says. ... And my ... my apologies if I did read this out last week. But I can't remember either. "Last month, I saw Bear Grylls buying a mouse trap ... in a shop in Aberswoth. / Shut up. / Yeah. ... Now, if that is true, Lloyd ... / I doubt ... I doubt it very much. / ... if that is true, though, ... we've had a lot of complaints recently, we've had a lot of correspondence on the ... the rules and the, sort of, all the details about Celebrity Out Of Context Bingo ... about what "out of context" really means, does it have to be, kind of, ironically out of context ... will it ... does it ... acceptable if just somebody doing something you wouldn't expect ... / Yeah, / Bear Grylls buying a mouse trap ... now, that would be ... if that's true ... you don't believe it, do you? / Well, he would build his own, wouldn't he? / Would he? / Yeah. / What? To save himself 1.99? / ... Or even he would just let the mice run free. / I think that he ... that ... that's ... now you're getting closer. / Yeah. / Now you are getting closer. / ... unless he was really hungry out in a ... out in a forest. Would he eat mice? Bear Grylls? / But then ... but then he would build his own. / Yeah. / If he was ... if he was out ... / If he was making a documentary, he wouldn't be allowed to have a shop-bought mouse trap. / No. If he was out ... Let's imagine he's in his five-star hotel, right? He's got nothing to eat. ... Porters are not answering ... night porters, doing the security rounds in the car park, / Yeah, yeah. / ... in his five-star hotel ... you know, unwrapping it. ... And then ... / You think he would then employ the mouse trap in order to catch a mouse and eat it in a hotel ? / Yeah. ... No, I think he would ... uh ... I ... I know how Bear Grylls would catch a mouse trap in a ... in a ... Do you want me to tell you how ... / how he would catch a mouse trap? / ... how he would catch a mouse trap. ... I know how he would catch a mouse trap. ... Just __ mouse __ tease it out with some cheezes in the mouth __ mouse trap comes out. Snap it. / __ __ what type of mouse? Was it humane, or was it one of them with a little net __ / __ ... what's the diff ... what is a humane mouse? / No. I mean the trap. / Oh. ... What kind of mouse it is, field or humane? / 野生の、それとも人間的な / ... Is that a humane mouse over there? It seems to be very nice. / It's walking upright. / It's walking ... I know how you catch a mouse, right? / Yeah. / ... in a hotel. ... Uh ... __ __ Bear Grylls do it. What you do is ... first of all, you drill a hole ... circle a hole of about two inches diameter / I don't think you can drill a hole ... a hole in a hotel room. / You get ... you get a saw, one of those saws that goes zzzzz ... up and down like, uh, you know, one of those saws, like a ... like a hand-held saw / Yeah, I know. / the blade goes down / yeah / and then you cut a circle ... a hole in the floor / about / inches in diameter / and a piece of wood drops out. Pop. / and then you push the mouse into the hole into the room downstairs? / その穴からネズミを下の部屋に落としちゃうの？ / No. Then ... then, you get an old sock ... and you put the sock ... you stuff the sock down into the hole ... / OK. / ... and staple-gun the top of the sock around the hole, so ... you know, / Yeah, I understand. / ... and then you wait for the mouse to run across the hole and fall into the sock, and then you ... quickly ... you get ... you know, the staple-removers you get in a ... in a ... in a stationary shop. / Yeah, / staple-remover, and then you quickly ... chu, chu, chu, chu, ... get all the staples out and tie the sock at the top. ... That's how you bag yourself a mouse there. ... Sure? / Yeah, I mean, that sounds, uh ... very labor-intensive. ... Also, you know ... / __ __ when you are buying a mouse trap, innit? / you know, when you check out the hotel ... / what __ __ do / buy a mouse trap / when you check out the hotel, they say to you, "Have you / well, you wouldn't have to __ anything from the mini-bar?" / Yeah. ... well, you wouldn't have to __ anything from the mini-bar / I'd say, "I had a celebratory champagne." / No ... people would start saying, "Have you ... / I didn't have it. / ... "Have you had anything from the mini-bar?" and "Have you cut a hole in the floor?" / Yeah. But they don't ... you don't tell them you cut a hole in the floor, do you? That's the beauty of those saws. / きれいな円の穴をあけられる。それがこのノコのいいところだ。 / they cut out a perfectly circular little bit of wood / But, if you're in a hotel, there's going to be a room below you, so ... someone in the room below is gonna look up the ceiling, a hole is going to appear, then a sock is gonna go down the hole ... / ... At some point during the night, there's gonna be a mouse in the ... in the sock. ... Huh, yeah, it would freak them out. / It would freak out the room below. / Yeah. / ... I imagine that ... that you'd get some complaints. / Well, you book out the room below as well, don't you? ... That's what you'd do. Simple. You just book two rooms. / Oh yeah, OK. Fine. Fair enough. / ... It's easy. You go on the ground floor. / I didn't think of that ... what ... uh, yeah, you can ... that's a good point as well. If you are on the ground floor, you can't drill a hole. Well, I mean, you could drill a hole / What do you mean "you can't drill a hole" ? I've been down a mine all week, mate. / You could excavate the hole. / Exactly. I've been down a mine all week. Don't tell me you can't drill holes in the floor. ... Uh, anyway, listen, uh ... what were we talking about? ... Anyway, Celebrity Out Of Context ... "Bear Grylls buying a mouse trap in Aberswoth" ... uh, is topping the Celebrity Out Of Context Bingo today. / What was he doing in Aberswoth? / アバソで何をしてたんだろう？ / I ... to buy a mouse trap. / だからネズミとりを買いに行ったんだって。何度も言わせるな。 / How many times? ... Swindon toilets ... on the subject of. ... You said earlier that there're no toilets in Swindon. / It was a joke. / Uh, well, you can't ... late, you should know that Radio Wales audience don't like that kinda thing. ... Right? ... Toilets in Swindon. "Hey, I'm living in Swine Town ..." they call it, "... and there are toilets. All the houses have them. You should have asked someone if you needed one", says Dominique. ... Here's another one. "Morning, guys. I'm listening in Swindon." ... That's from Dave from Wrexham. / ... Is that all he says? / Yeah. / Good work, Dave. / Well, we did say earlier, "Just say if you are listening in Swindon. Full stop." / Huh, OK, yeah. / He just added the little "Dave from Wrexham". Nice touch.

There're lots to get to, Lloyd. We've got to have a light-hearted gamble through the newspapers, right? We've gotta crack through that. We've got Celebrity Out Of Con ... Context Bingos coming in thick and fast. / Yes. / We've gotta judge those. ... I've got a selection of quizzes ... / Huh. / you can ... you can choose a quiz. / Can you tease me with the ... with the titles? / OK. ... Some of them I've had for years. ... Nobody ever picks them ... literally like the ... lining up against the wall in school, some of them never get picked. ... Will Young Quiz ... / ... I'll do that one. / Wait a minute, mate. ... You can't just go for the first quiz out the trap. / I just ... / Of course you wanna play Will Young Quiz 'cause everyone wants to play Will Young Quiz. That's ... / the notion of it ... just __ __ ... / That's a new one today, that is. / OK. / __ __ need __ __ I've only ... I've only devised that this morning. / Right. / Queen Quiz ... / ... as in, uh ... the band, or Her Majesty? / Her Majesty. / Not interested, mate. / I'm gonna sing __ this afternoon ... __ __ ... Will you be ... Where are you going to watch the game tonight? __ __ __ watch the game / Wales __ England / Well, I'm doing a charity gig, so I can't. / You're not gonna watch it at all? / Well, ho ... hopefully, I'll get on earlier, then I'll ... / Do you think, in all honesty, though ... and be honest about this, ... do you think that, during the gig, when you are on your stage, doing your comedy for the fund-raiser for the school, do you think you will stop and sing the national anthem? / Oh, undoubtedly. / Both of them? The Welsh one and the English one? / ... Well, yeah. ... I would ... I don't know all the words of the English one. There's a few verses in there ... / __ __ ... god save, uh, uh ... / God save our queen, God save our gracious queen ... / God save our really ... nice ... she ... she's a t__ / top queen / She's, uh, ... / look at her golden heart ... / she's a real tip-top ... top queen __ __ __ she's the most tip-top __ ... top queen ... __ __ __ one __ __ __ she's Her Majesty, __, please __ __ tip-top / Yeah. ... I saw the trouble __ __ going to __ ... I'm just gonna sing __ ... / you don't wanna get into that trouble / I'll sing it every day now / big trouble you got into / ... for ... honestly, for, just ... honestly you don't wanna get into that kinda trouble. ... Do you? ... Uh ... Blighty Quiz, a quiz about Britain, generally, / OK. / Uh ... Obsolete Word Quiz, that's been around __ __ ... / I've done that one. / You've done that? / Yeah. / __ ... I didn't even take it out of the pile. ... Uh ... Sugar Quiz ... / Oh yeah, / Uh ... Body Part Quiz ... / Yeah, / Aphorisms Quiz ... uh ... Real Man Quiz, Teabag Quiz, ... Evolution Of Human Body Quiz ... uh ... uh ... DIY Quiz, um ... and ... uh ... Inventions Quiz ... and Famous Faces Quiz. / OK. / Which one of those do you want? / I don't ... I mean, I'll go with dealer's choice. / OK. I'll pick one. ... I'll pick one __ ... I might go with Will Young Quiz, actually. / Yeah. I mean, it sounds ... / sounds good, innit? / ... sounds tempting. / It is good. ... "Christmas decorations" it says here. We're back to the papers, Light-hearted gamble. / Oh yeah. / Christmas decorations have been put up in Peterborough. / Yeah. / What do you make of that? ... You can't just go "Yeah", Lloyd. ... You've got to say something funny now. / I think it's probably to distract you from the grim reality of Peterborough. / You __ __ __ ___ __ What, you took down Swindon earlier by saying there was no toilets there, now Peterborough ? / There are toilets there. Some ... someone texted, saying ... / Loads of people __ texted in, saying, "Excuse me, but there are toilets in Swindon / Hi .. Hi Rhod, listening to you, sat in a public toilet in Swindon. / スウィンドンの公衆便所の便座に座って聴いています / Great show." ... That's Mr. B on the text. / Uh ... well, now you've had a go at Peterborough. ... There's nothing wrong with Peterborough, mate. It's a good venue, The Cresset. / I was just ... I mean, I was joking, like ... / Yeah, but you can't do that, mate. / I mean, there's ... there's always one of these stories around this time ... so and so has put up Christmas decorations. / だって、この時期にはよくある話でしょ。おい、どこそこの誰それがもうクリスマスの飾りつけをしているらしいぜ、気のはええこった ... って。/ Have they put up the Christmas decorations in the town, the council ones? / ... Yes. / ... That is early. / What did you think ... What? Did you thought it was just one person in ... / Sometimes it's just an eccentric shop owner __ ... / You just thought it was a guy with a baubel in his own home? / There is ... some of them, like, eccentric shop, or ... / No. The council has put them up in the city center. / Well, that is madness. / Huh? / We haven't even had, uh ... / It's just ... / ... Halloween. / It's pretty much summer, innit? Still just ... just the end of summer. / Fireworks night. / (Are) the kids even back in school yet? / ... Yeah. / ... They probably are, aren't they? ... Huh, what have you got there? / Millions of Brits refused to spend a penny, a study has revealed. More than 2 in 3 adults, 68%, do not carry around one pence or two pence coins. 6 in 10 keep copper coins ... / What, wha, wha, wha? Who ... who carries around ... who __ __ What? 32% of the country carry around 1 and 2 pence coins? / 32% は 1p コインと 2p コインしか持ち歩いてないってのか？ / Not exclusively, / しかってことはないよ / ... but allow them to be on their person. / Oh, you mean 68% of the country refuse, point-blank, no way ... / ... won't go anywhere near copper. / They won't go anywhere near a copper? / No. / Wow. / 8 percent admit binning them. / No. / Yeah. / What? Are they throwing their coppers __ put in a bin? / Madness. ... They do ... / Put them ... put them in a charity box. Put them ... pop them in the little ... in the little ... outside the supermarket ... that kid with a hole on his head ... the slot ... you know, the ... the little ... you know the kid with a slot on his head __ ... / Yeah. / What about the air ambulance? What about the things like Red Cross? What about things on, uh ... / any shop that have the little thing / put / pop in a charity box. / I can't imagine these crazy people putting money into the bin. ... / Have you ever put money in a bin, Lloyd? / Not on purpose. / Well ... by accident ... you ... we don't need to include accidents, do we? ... Somebody was saying the other day that the average person's got four thousand quid behind their sofa or something. ... I made that up. ... Forget it. It's a lie. / Lots of people, one in five Brits, want the 1 and the 2 p coin to be taken out of commission. / No. / Yeah. They want 5p to be the lowest-value coin in circulation. / I've got some sympathy with that. ... I do have some thought. ... I wouldn't ... Don't get me wrong. I've never put ... go up and go, "Oh, look at all this copper. I put that in a bin." I've never done that, right? And I don't refuse to have it on my person either. But I find it a bit irritating. / It is irritating. / It is. Let's get rid of it. / But then how would you ... / Bin it. / I guess __ how would you buy, sort of, penny chews ? / １個１ペンスのアメを買いたいときはどうするの？/ Well, with a 5 pence piece. / ５ペンス硬貨で買うことになるな。 / buy 5 / either buy five or you just say "Keep the change" / ５個買えばいい。あるいは「釣りはとっといてくれ」を言えばいい。 / Huh, yeah, that's ... / ... unless you run into ... unless shopkeeper's also one of those people who doesn't like ... and then he goes "No" ... he says, "No, I'm not keeping the change because I'm also one of those people who won't have coppers, and you say, "Well, we are in a right pickle now. ... What are we gonna do?" How would you get out of that? / Well, __ ... / it's like ... This should be an O-level question. It's like, a philosophical/maths question on the O-level paper. / オーディナリー・レベルの試験問題にすべきだ。 / ... John walks into a shop, right? He hates coppers. He refuses to have 1 or 2 pence pieces. He believes, fundamentally, that coppers should be scrapped from our monetary system. / Yeah. / He only carries 5, / Yeah, / ... the lowest denomination. He goes into a shop, wants to buy a penny chew, and says, "Keep the change" to the shopkeeper. The shopkeeper's also __ the similar mind set as John. What happens next? / Well, you cannot ... / It's an O-level question. / you cannot be a shopkeeper and refuse to __ with money. / __ __ __ ... __ __ __ certain denomination. It's a personal thing. / ... I don't think it is. ... I don't think you can say, "No, I'm not having __ / What if you __ __ people ... B&B owners who just refuse certain types of people __ __, you know, people have their strange prejudices ... don't they? It's a good O-level question. / Yeah, I __ ... I'm not so sure myself.

Celebrity Out Of Context Bingo. Do you want one? / Yeah. / ... "I thought you might like the following three short stories for the brilliant Celebrity Out Of Context Bingo section of your show. ... Many years ago, I was having a coffee in a shop in Melbourne, when a man who looked remarkably like the ex-governor of the Reserve Bank of Australia ..." / ... stretching the definition of "celebrity" slightly. / ... Yeah. ... "... walked up to the counter to pay for his coffee and cake, and realized he had no money on him. ... Here he was, the governor, in charge of the bank that holds all the nation's money, at that crucial moment, he was absolutely skint and unable to pay the girl in the till. I giggled as I watched him pat down all his pockets with the palm of his hands ..." it's very detailed, this. / Yeah. / Innit? / Yeah. / If you hadn't added "the palm of his hands", you would have guessed that, wouldn't you? / Yeah. If you do with the backs of your hands / nobody pats themselves down with the backs of their hands, looking for their money, do they? / No. / Um ... "He patted down all his pockets ..." ... "in his clothing" it says, as well. ... I'll tell you what. Some people know how to tell a tale, don't they? Instead of patting down all ... / patting __ all his pockets in his clothing / yeah? / so, we are not talking about the little flaps in our skin / keep / Australian, isn't he? So, like, um, uh ... marsupial ... they have a pouch. /「手の平で」って、言わなくてもいいよ。手の甲でポケットをたたく人はいないから。 「服のポケット」って ... 「服の」って言わなくてもいいよ。ポケットは服に付いてるもんだ。/ でもオーストラリアだからお腹にも付いてるかも。 / Oh, yeah, that's true. Of course we could have thought he had a pouch, yeah. ... "... patted down all the pockets of his clothing with the palms of his hands, / Yeah. / Yeah. ... "and ... and then he told the girl behind the counter he must have left his wallet in his car outside ..." See? Again, we didn't really need "outside", did we? ... unless he had driven into shop ... __ ploughed through the window. ... / 「外」って言わなくても、車が外にあることくらいわかるよ / Uh ... "He asked to leave the shop to check his car for his wallet. I can only assume she also recognized him and said it would be OK. I left the shop before he came back. And I assume that he found some money and returned to pay after I had left. ... Rhod, if you ever have considered having a fantasy Celebrities Out Of Context section of your show, my Fantasy Celebrity Out Of Context would be to see David Attenborough ordering a barbecue dodo at a restaurant. How would that be?", says Paul Dogget. Um ... What would your Fantasy Celebrity Out Of Context Bingo be if you've got any one, Lloyd? / I'd see, uh, Noel Edmonds wearing a normal shirt. ... just a plain shirt. / ... That would be a good one. I don't ... I don't think I'd beat that. / People say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. / What about a cleanly-shaven Noel Edmonds? ... What about with a crew-cut? Or a flat top? Noel Edmonds with a flat top, cleanly shaven, in a normal shirt. ... How about that?

Will Young Quiz ! / Oh yeah. / Will Young Quiz. Ladies and gentleman, it is time ... we haven't got a jingle for it, but it is time. ... I'll do a jingle. "I think I'd better leave right now." ... OK? So, Will Yong Quiz. Are you ready? / Yes. / Strap in. Have you got a seat belt on? / I know nothing about Will Young. / Don't say that. / ... or maybe I do. I'm ... / Maybe ... maybe you do. / I'm bluffing. / Well, we'll see, won't we? / Yeah. / ... because there are four points available. ... Four ... if you get full marks on Will Young Quiz ... This is a quiz about the, uh, singer-songwriter, Will Young. / Yes. / Right? / Did he win at X-Factor? No? Pop Idol ? ... / I think he was on Pop Idol or something, I think. And I saw him once in a ... this is for a bonus point ... / Uh, laundrette? / Actually, there're two parts to this question. ... It wasn't a laundrette. / OK. / It was in a ... / Car wash? / No. Very close. / Uh ... what's next to a car wash? ... Um ... petrol station? / Booom. Got it. Bonus point. I'll jot that down. ... Bonus point. ... But the other thing I saw him in ... / ... Was he sniffing the pumps? / ポンプの匂いを嗅いでいた？ / No. He was inside, paying for something. Petrol, probably. / Oh yeah? __ Ginster's pasty. / But he was in something as well, 'cause I saw him in, and there's another thing he was in, you can get another bonus point for. What was he in? / uh ... a convertible car? / No. He was inside. / Huh, OK. / He was paying. / He was in ... a ... mobility scooter. / What ... No. ... What? You think __ ... / All right, he was in ... / __ / OK. He was in the ... um ... kagool. / No. But you're getting closer. What item of clothing? ... __ __ have three guesses. ... Guess 1's kagool. Gone. / He was in __ __ ... um ... souwester. / No. That's very similar to kagool. I would have said you are on the right line, wouldn't I? / ... Uh, corduroy trousers? / No. It was a flat cap. / Oh. I knew that. He always wears a flat cap. / Well, you should have said it if you knew it. Huh? What's the point in holding it back in Will Young Quiz, mate. No point in keeping it to yourself. / Right. / That's what they say about Will Young Quiz. If in doubt, spit it out. ... Innit? / Yeah. / Uh? ... Will Young Quiz. Here we go, ladies and gentlemen, the inaugural, ... it's first-one-ever Will Young Quiz. OK. ... It's a quiz about Will Young ... What is Will Young's earliest memory? ... I'm gonna put a time on this. / Uh ... I think Will Young remembered being born. ... / bom-bom ... bom-bom ... / I think he actually remembered entering the world, exiting his mom. / bom-bom ... / I'm not being __, mate. ... Listen, __, you're not right. Of course you're not right. ... How do you remember that? Nobody remembers that far back. / Well, he's a clever bloke, isn't he? / __ __ __ ... it's not about being clever, is it? "I'm so clever I remember being born." ? / Well, I ... is it ... / you __ __ Einstein remembers being in the womb, / __ __ he remembers his own conception / ... His earliest memory was ... / Will Young's earliest memory is what we're looking for. Play along at home if you want. Stop the car, pull over if it's safe and legal to do so. Pull over, and play Will Young Quiz. / ... the quarter-finals of Pop Idol. / ... You've gone too far the other way now. First of all you went too far back, now you've been ... that's too recent. What, you think, "My earliest memory is about six years ago." ? ... Come on. He is about 40, Will Young ... What was his earliest memory? ... I'll give you a clue. ... / Going on a family holiday, to Tenerife, and standing on a jelly-fish. / ... I can't give it to you. / ... a non-stinging jelly-fish. / I can't give ... I can't give it to you. / OK. / You wouldn't even remember that, would you? .. if it was non-stinging? ... such a non-incident. / 刺さないクラゲを踏んだことなんて、つまらな過ぎて覚えちゃいないだろ / feels like a jelly, doesn't it? ... incongruous with a beach. / Well, it's not that. I can't give it to you. He was caught stealing something. / ... He was caught stealing a jelly-fish from the aquarium. / No. ... Jelly-fish is totally wrong. / クラゲから離れろ。 / He was caught stealing a Chomp Bar. / Ooo, you're in the right line. You're very close. You're very close. / What was that one that rolls into t__ ... a Curly Wurly / No. Less exotic. Less exotic, but similar ... same ... same area. / A ... a packet of Space Invaders? / ポテトチップス / ... the crisps. / I'm not ... I can't give it to you. / He was caught stealing digestive biscuits from the treat cupboard at home. / ... Huh. ... That's not really stealing. / 「盗んだ」って言えるのかな / well, it's not really a treat, is it? A digestive? I wouldn't have thought. Would you? / 「おやつ」とも言い難い / It depends whether they were chocolate-covered or not / I'd be disappointed ... imagine you saw a cupboard with "TREATS" written on it, right? / and it was locked, and then you smashed it open with a padlock because you think there were digestive biscuits in it / __ you'd be disappointed, wouldn't you? You expected __ chocolate-topped ... / expected / None out of one. Will Young Quiz. Second question. ... Dame Judi Dench ... / Yeah. ... Is this still the Will Young Quiz? / Still Young Qui ... Will Young Quiz. / OK. All right. / Question 2: Dame Judi Dench repeatedly had to tell Will Young off for what ... when they filmed Mrs. Henderson Presents ? / ... Farting? / __, you can't say that on the radio ! I apologize to, uh, all listeners. You ... 'making wind' is what you ... / OK. / Right. ... __, edit that out from the podcast. / Right. / I apologize there for the, uh, foul __ __ ... / __ __ say "I think I'd better leave right now." ... Or "Crack open the window", at the very least. / Only __ __ Pop Idol. ... It's ... it's "being late". / Oh. / He was very late. / That's unprofessional. / Yeah. He was very late, so Judi Dench had to tell him off. ... That's none out of two. / OK. / Question 3. ... / I don't know Will Young as well as I thought I did. / And you didn't take him in very well. / Can we do Gareth Gates Quiz? / Huh? Next week. ... This is a Who question. / Yeah. Roger Daltrey. / ... Wrong. It's Pete Townshend. / Huh. / That's none out of three. / ３問中、０問正解 / OK. Fair enough. / OK. / ... What? / Yeah. That was a quick tangential Who Quiz. / All right. Fair enough. / OK. ... Who ... uh ... is ... / Keith Moon? / Will Yong's ... no. It's Pete Townshend. That's none out of four. / Huh ... all right. / Who is Will Young's style icon? Who does he say is his style icon? Will Young ... You've got none out of four. It's all on this, really, / I know ... / ... that you can __ / I know this one 'cause you said about the flat cap. ... Fred Dibnah. / ... It's not Fred Dibnah. / That's why he was always late for the film ... 'cause he was knocking down chimneys. / It's not ... it's not Fred Dibnah. / Huh. / You can have one more guess. ... One more guess. You have none out of four. This, just to redeem yourself slightly ... I __ give you half a point. / Del Boy, David Jason in Only Fools and Horses / The ... the flat cap is a red herring. / All right. Who is ... / And this person would definitely not have worn a flat cap. / All right. ... John Merrick in The Elephant Man ? / ... No. ... He didn't ... he did wear a hat, this person. / Huh, all right. / famously wore a hat ... always wore a hat / Tommy Cooper / almost always wore a hat / Not Tommy Cooper. I'll give you one more guess. I'll give you an eighth of a point now. / もう一度だけチャンスをやろう。これで当てたら８分の１点やる。 / Abraham Lincoln? / It's Charlie Chaplin. Charlie Chaplin is ... So, that's none ... / None out of five. / ... out of five. That's a new low, I think, on, uh ... any of our quizzes. Next week, Gareth Gates Quiz. Uh, but that was, uh, Will Young Quiz. Did you enjoy that? / It was great.

If you enjoyed that, why don't you listen to the whole show? Rhod Gilbert live on Saturday mornings, BBC Radio Wales, 11 till 1. I'll be back in a few weeks.

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